These are two pieces from my Inspirational Essay in English 12
Experiences teach us life lessons so that when
we engage in those experiences, we become prepared for them and can overcome any
obstacles through interaction with significant people in our lives; The
experience in life that has changed me was my open heart surgeries. I have had
three open heart surgeries in my life, and besides the obvious love from my
family, my mother has cared for me the most. My mother was the most important
person in my life, who inspired me and was my mentor who guided me through the toughest experience
of my life.
My experience is as follows. It was a hot summer day in June of 2008.
Having known that I’m about to have surgery in a month, I go to school to take
my Spanish regents. I am in the lunch room talking with my friends eating a sandwich
my mother had prepared for me earlier that morning. Ten minutes before the bell
is to sound, I dropped to one knee. In shock my friend was asking if I was
alright. I told my friend I didn’t know what was happening. He asked me if I could
make it to Spanish to take the final exam. I told him I felt weak and felt it best
to call my mother. He brought me to the nurses office down the hall. The hall
at that point looked like it was a mile long, considering how ill I was feeling. When we arrived at the nurses office,
I called my mom, and within a second flash she was there. My mother brought me
home and called my cardiologist to see what was going in. So she gotten the
phone and the cardiologist told my mom that the weakness, and shortness of
breath, were all symptoms of the urgency for \this specific surgery. Even
though I was scared, I felt ready for this challenge of my life.
What I notice about my essay from these two parts at least is that I use I a lot. Even though I am the one writing and I know that the professor knows it's me writing I wrote I way too much. How I would fix this problem is by:
Having three open heart surgeries throughout the duration of my life, and besides all the love from my family, my mother has cared for me the most. My mother was the most important person in my life, who inspired me and was my mentor who guided me through the toughest experience of my life.